By Grandma
Anyone who thinks the art of conversation is dead ought to tell a child to go to bed.
- Robert Gallagher
Giselle: I wanna go on a date
Edward: A date?.........Whats a date
Giselle: Well, its where we go out and we talk about ourselves our likes and our dislikes… a date?
- Giselle from Enchanted
"The most basic of all human needs is the need to understand and be understood. The best way to understand people is to listen to them."
- Ralph Nichols
“You have to be willing sometimes to listen to some remarkable bad opinions. Because if you say to someone, 'That's the silliest thing I've ever heard; get on out of here!'—then you'll never get anything out of that person again, and you might as well have a puppet on a string or a robot."
- John Bryan
"One friend, one person who is truly understanding, who takes the trouble to listen to us as we consider a problem, can change our whole outlook on the world."
- Dr. E. H. Mayo
"There is no such thing as a worthless conversation, provided you know what to listen for. And questions are the breath of life for a conversation."
- James Nathan Miller
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Archive
The Art of Conversation
Posted: Wednesday, December 01, 2010
Dealing With Rudeness
Posted: Sunday, November 21, 2010
By Aunt Susan
From time to time, you’re going to come across rudeness. Adults and children can be equally as rude. I was once in a drug store in the same aisle as a father and his teenage son. They were looking at products on a shelf. The son said something, I don’t know what he said because I didn’t hear. But I sure heard the father’s response. The father snapped at him saying “DON’T YOU TALK TO ME LIKE THAT!” and a few more things regarding disrespect. I was standing right behind them. Who was more rude? Who was more disrespectful? In my opinion, the father. Whatever the son said no one else could hear. What the father said, everyone could hear. How he chose to deal with his son’s rudeness was just RUDE. He humiliated his son in public which is way more rude. If he was trying to teach his son respect then he should have responded in a respectful manner. I witnessed a similar scene in a restaurant. A parent threatening to spank the child right then and there. I guess there’s nothing like a bit of humiliation to snap a child into line…eh? It’s actually humiliation AND shame in one fell swoop. There’s a saying “Love conquers all”. In some cases this might be hard to apply and would require a lot of patience and tolerance. But within a family and especially dealing with children… and especially dealing with your OWN children, you could certainly mustard up some love. Can’t you? There’s always a cause for rudeness. Therefore it is better to deal with the cause than the symptom. If a child or other family member is rude, one reaction to the rudeness could be “That was harsh. Are you having a bad day?” or a caring “What’s up?” Maybe they just need a hug. You might be pleasantly surprise that you get an apology. This is much better than demanding an apology. There is little to no remorse attached to an apology that you demanded. You know, if you HAVE to ask for it….
There’s a scripture that the Mormons have:
“Reproving betimes with sharpness, when moved upon by the Holy Ghost; and then showing forth afterwards an increase of love toward him whom thou hast reproved, lest he esteem thee to be his enemy; “
In other words: When expressing your disapproval, make it clear how you feel. (Sharpness in this scripture means “clarity” not “harshness”) Tell him at the earliest appropriate time, not a week later when he can’t even remember what he did. Make sure that it is not coming from a place of anger. Rather from love. You must be moved spiritually. After reproving, show an increase of love. This effective method of teaching will keep the person’s self esteem in tact. This is to assure the person that you still love him even though you did not like what he did or said. Of coarse this does not apply to your enemy. In which case, you can punch him out. Ha ha. Just kidding.
From time to time, you’re going to come across rudeness. Adults and children can be equally as rude. I was once in a drug store in the same aisle as a father and his teenage son. They were looking at products on a shelf. The son said something, I don’t know what he said because I didn’t hear. But I sure heard the father’s response. The father snapped at him saying “DON’T YOU TALK TO ME LIKE THAT!” and a few more things regarding disrespect. I was standing right behind them. Who was more rude? Who was more disrespectful? In my opinion, the father. Whatever the son said no one else could hear. What the father said, everyone could hear. How he chose to deal with his son’s rudeness was just RUDE. He humiliated his son in public which is way more rude. If he was trying to teach his son respect then he should have responded in a respectful manner. I witnessed a similar scene in a restaurant. A parent threatening to spank the child right then and there. I guess there’s nothing like a bit of humiliation to snap a child into line…eh? It’s actually humiliation AND shame in one fell swoop. There’s a saying “Love conquers all”. In some cases this might be hard to apply and would require a lot of patience and tolerance. But within a family and especially dealing with children… and especially dealing with your OWN children, you could certainly mustard up some love. Can’t you? There’s always a cause for rudeness. Therefore it is better to deal with the cause than the symptom. If a child or other family member is rude, one reaction to the rudeness could be “That was harsh. Are you having a bad day?” or a caring “What’s up?” Maybe they just need a hug. You might be pleasantly surprise that you get an apology. This is much better than demanding an apology. There is little to no remorse attached to an apology that you demanded. You know, if you HAVE to ask for it….
There’s a scripture that the Mormons have:
“Reproving betimes with sharpness, when moved upon by the Holy Ghost; and then showing forth afterwards an increase of love toward him whom thou hast reproved, lest he esteem thee to be his enemy; “
In other words: When expressing your disapproval, make it clear how you feel. (Sharpness in this scripture means “clarity” not “harshness”) Tell him at the earliest appropriate time, not a week later when he can’t even remember what he did. Make sure that it is not coming from a place of anger. Rather from love. You must be moved spiritually. After reproving, show an increase of love. This effective method of teaching will keep the person’s self esteem in tact. This is to assure the person that you still love him even though you did not like what he did or said. Of coarse this does not apply to your enemy. In which case, you can punch him out. Ha ha. Just kidding.
No Tooting At The Table!
Posted: Sunday, November 14, 2010
By Aunt Susan
You know what I’m talking about. It goes by a lot of names. Toot, Thunder Pants, Butt Burp. There’s one that starts with “F”…not flatulence… the other “F” word and yes it’s a four letter word and rhymes with Bart. And they all mean GAS!
So what happens if you’re at the table and you or someone drops a stink bomb…And it’s a bad one. Do you quickly exit the room before you lose your dinner? If it’s you who cut the cheese… do you blame the dog? Uncle Bob didn’t think anything of blasting his trumpet at the dinner table the other night. (He takes great pride in being a one man jazz band) I asked him “Would you do that if you were having dinner with the Queen?” And he answered “No. But I’m not having dinner with the Queen. I’m having dinner with you”
Worse are my boys who let one rip and then instead of saying “excuse me” they laughed. When one does it… it’s like an invitation for the other to join in the competition. “Oh come on!” I say…”I’m trying to enjoy my dinner here!” I asked one of them…”if your girl friend was here would you do that?” He says his girlfriend likes his toots. “Yeah right! Sure she does”. They just started dating and I’m sure she laughs at all his jokes.
Can’t you tooters feel one coming? Don’t you have any control? Get up and let it out somewhere else!. Not where people are eating! You’re polluting common air space. The dinner table should be a “No Toot Zone” I do understand sometimes it just comes out…all on it’s own…totally unplanned for. What should follow is a sincere “Excuse me”…not “Beat that!”
Someone tell me what country is tooting at the table not considered rude?! Can all you table tooters take your tooting there please? Honestly I think number one for Tea Party Etiquette should be “No tooting at the table! And if you do....the word is “Excuse me”
You know what I’m talking about. It goes by a lot of names. Toot, Thunder Pants, Butt Burp. There’s one that starts with “F”…not flatulence… the other “F” word and yes it’s a four letter word and rhymes with Bart. And they all mean GAS!
So what happens if you’re at the table and you or someone drops a stink bomb…And it’s a bad one. Do you quickly exit the room before you lose your dinner? If it’s you who cut the cheese… do you blame the dog? Uncle Bob didn’t think anything of blasting his trumpet at the dinner table the other night. (He takes great pride in being a one man jazz band) I asked him “Would you do that if you were having dinner with the Queen?” And he answered “No. But I’m not having dinner with the Queen. I’m having dinner with you”
Worse are my boys who let one rip and then instead of saying “excuse me” they laughed. When one does it… it’s like an invitation for the other to join in the competition. “Oh come on!” I say…”I’m trying to enjoy my dinner here!” I asked one of them…”if your girl friend was here would you do that?” He says his girlfriend likes his toots. “Yeah right! Sure she does”. They just started dating and I’m sure she laughs at all his jokes.
Can’t you tooters feel one coming? Don’t you have any control? Get up and let it out somewhere else!. Not where people are eating! You’re polluting common air space. The dinner table should be a “No Toot Zone” I do understand sometimes it just comes out…all on it’s own…totally unplanned for. What should follow is a sincere “Excuse me”…not “Beat that!”
Someone tell me what country is tooting at the table not considered rude?! Can all you table tooters take your tooting there please? Honestly I think number one for Tea Party Etiquette should be “No tooting at the table! And if you do....the word is “Excuse me”
Where are your manners?
Posted: Sunday, November 07, 2010
By Grandma
Good manners are essential to good character. It is our responsibility as adults to teach children basic social graces. Teach them to say “please” and “thank you” and if they forget, and you are in the company of others, do not bring it up at the time. Doing so would be like you’re telling the child that they are rude AND stupid. They will feel humiliated. There are no bad students, just bad teachers. Wisdom, patience, love and long suffering. These are attributes we need to be able to teach our children. Provide a safe loving environment for them to make mistakes. For this is how they learn.
The best way to teach is by example. As a cue you can say to the child…”Isn’t it nice of Mrs. Jones to have us over for tea? “ And this is followed by you thanking Mrs. Jones. If your child does not pick up on your cue, don’t draw any attention to it. Just let it go. You will need to prep him next time BEFORE hand. Or you can have a secret reminder like pulling on your ear lobe. Tell your child when you pull on your ear lobe it means you want to hear him say “thank you”. What ever you choose as your secret reminder do it with a sneaky smile and maybe a wink so the child views this as a loving reminder just between you and him . Have your child give you the secret reminder if he thinks you have forgotten to say “thank you” . When manners are practised at home it becomes natural. Do you say “thank you” to your child when he does something nice? Do you have an environment for learning manners? Do you make it fun? If you make it fun he will want to learn. For table manners I can’t think of a more fun way to learn than tea parties.
How do you teach your child manners?
Teach children manners early
Good manners are essential to good character. It is our responsibility as adults to teach children basic social graces. Teach them to say “please” and “thank you” and if they forget, and you are in the company of others, do not bring it up at the time. Doing so would be like you’re telling the child that they are rude AND stupid. They will feel humiliated. There are no bad students, just bad teachers. Wisdom, patience, love and long suffering. These are attributes we need to be able to teach our children. Provide a safe loving environment for them to make mistakes. For this is how they learn.
The best way to teach is by example. As a cue you can say to the child…”Isn’t it nice of Mrs. Jones to have us over for tea? “ And this is followed by you thanking Mrs. Jones. If your child does not pick up on your cue, don’t draw any attention to it. Just let it go. You will need to prep him next time BEFORE hand. Or you can have a secret reminder like pulling on your ear lobe. Tell your child when you pull on your ear lobe it means you want to hear him say “thank you”. What ever you choose as your secret reminder do it with a sneaky smile and maybe a wink so the child views this as a loving reminder just between you and him . Have your child give you the secret reminder if he thinks you have forgotten to say “thank you” . When manners are practised at home it becomes natural. Do you say “thank you” to your child when he does something nice? Do you have an environment for learning manners? Do you make it fun? If you make it fun he will want to learn. For table manners I can’t think of a more fun way to learn than tea parties.
How do you teach your child manners?
Children and Manners
Posted: Monday, November 01, 2010
By Grandma
Recently a young mother asked for advice. What, she wanted to know, was she to do with a 7-year-old who was obstreperous, outspoken, and inconveniently wilful? "Keep her," I replied.... The suffragettes refused to be polite in demanding what they wanted or grateful for getting what they deserved. Works for me.
- Anna Quindlen
It is not a bad thing that children should occasionally, and politely, put parents in their place.
- Colette
Where did we ever get the crazy idea that in order to make children do better, first we have to make them feel worse? Think of the last time you felt humiliated or treated unfairly. Did you feel like cooperating or doing better?
- Jane Nelson
Don’t be afraid that your children don’t listen. Be more afraid that they are always watching.
- Bob Langley
Recently a young mother asked for advice. What, she wanted to know, was she to do with a 7-year-old who was obstreperous, outspoken, and inconveniently wilful? "Keep her," I replied.... The suffragettes refused to be polite in demanding what they wanted or grateful for getting what they deserved. Works for me.
- Anna Quindlen
It is not a bad thing that children should occasionally, and politely, put parents in their place.
- Colette
Where did we ever get the crazy idea that in order to make children do better, first we have to make them feel worse? Think of the last time you felt humiliated or treated unfairly. Did you feel like cooperating or doing better?
- Jane Nelson
Don’t be afraid that your children don’t listen. Be more afraid that they are always watching.
- Bob Langley
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